Nothing succeeds like address.
Fran Lebowitz
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.
Fran Lebowitz
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
Fran Lebowitz
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
Fran Lebowitz
Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Fran Lebowitz
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
Fran Lebowitz
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Fran Lebowitz
Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion-picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word ''collectible'' as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.
Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz
Sports Quotes
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Fran Lebowitz
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
Fran Lebowitz
It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.