Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark Twain
To stop smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know; I've done it a thousand times.
Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain
Some of his words were not Sunday-school words.
Mark Twain
There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry.
Mark Twain
There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
Mark Twain
If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes.
Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up
Mark Twain
Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
Mark Twain
Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Mark Twain
One can enjoy a rainbow without necessarily forgetting the force that made it.
Mark Twain
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he purposely shut the eyes of his mind and keep them shut by force.
Mark Twain
More than once I had seen a noble who had gotten his enemy at a disadvantage stop to pray before cutting his throat.
Mark Twain